Happiest Day of My Life

Most (maybe all, not sure) of the above photos are on Flickr (see link on sidebar), but I wanted to post them here anyway. I love reminiscing!

Working! My blog is working!

Hey, if you had trouble reading my whole posts about the wedding (if they would get cut off in the middle), I've changed the format and you can now read the whole wedding story (it's in 3 posts below). And please do! I loved my wedding a whole lot and I love comments almost as much ;) Not that I'm a comment whore or anything, but that wedding story- gosh, it's awfully romantic, mmmm.....

Um, a little news.

I wanted to get all the wedding stuff posted before breaking this part of the story, so now that it's all up there, here we go. J and I were just licensed as foster parents in Massachusetts on Monday and our first foster child is coming today. Actually, we met her last night and I'm going to pick her up today. She's two. I'll call her Sweetie. In honor of our insanity at becoming foster parents less than a month after the wedding, I've started a new blog. I think I'll continue to post wedding pictures here, as they come in, but I suspect most of the other stuff will be on Foster Mamas. See you there!

Wedding Story: Part 3

After the ceremony, it was time to part ways. Guests went off down the hill to the Northampton Brewery to enjoy a cocktail hour with crostini and fruit&cheese platters, and we went to Union Station to take pictures with our wedding party. Oh, my poor pictures. We got some pretty decent shots in there, but all we got for sun was a picture of J and I looking out the window at one point at the few minutes of sun there were. Ah, well. You can't have everything. We arrived at the reception, Rev. Steve introduced our sisters and then Kate and J Martini! We got a standing ovation as we walked in, I took over the mic from Steve and said our thank-yous, and then it was time for champagne! My brother-in-law Will made a lovely toast, followed by heartfelt and devoted words from our dear friend Tawanna. Dinner was served! Due to all the mingling we had to do, J and I barely got to eat our dinner by the time we were ready to cut the cake. My sister S's beautiful masterpiece cake was displayed on a mirrored table, complete with red roses, chocolate-dipped strawberries, and cocoa-covered almonds. We've got some lovely pics from the cake cutting, with only minor smearage. We had a fake, first dance for the photographer, some quick pics with VIPs, and a photo shoot with our friends' D&C baby Stuey, before the photographer had to leave, and then we were ready to dance. Thanks to sister S's partner Tim, we had a great time starting with our song "Sunrise, Sunrise" by Norah Jones (an instrumental of which we had walked down the aisle to just a few hours before), followed by romantic old jazz vocals, transitioning into more modern music as the night wore on. We danced and danced some more, getting some of my favorite pictures of all- even my Dad was cutting a rug! And singing to "Eight Days a Week"! And smiling! And having a good time! Holy crap! He was so great at the wedding, especially later on at the reception- I was floored, and we were both so moved by the love and dedication flowing in from all sides. Not just at the wedding, but throughout the whole engagement. It was truly a coming-together of our great, big, extended, chosen family. Late, late at night, we tossed our bouquets (an advantage of going to a lesbian wedding!) Unfortunately, though my mother insisted that I aim for my sister, and though I tried valiantly for Mom's sake, I wound up impaling her with it instead. Oops. And J's sister S, a very non-committal gal, there with her used-to-be-then-just-friends-for-a-while-now-on-a-hiatus-from-our-hiatus guy K, caught J's bouquet no problem. Ah, well. I think that tradition stinks anyway. Go ahead sis, tempt those fates! Little do they know who your wedding-coordinator is! Lemme at 'em!
We finally left the party at about 12:30 am, and headed to our hotel. Now, the chilled champagne and chocolate strawberries were nice, as was the jacuzzi, but I was about ready to keel over. The combination of all the stress of the last several days, the heady emotional leap I'd just taken, the incredibly long day on little sleep, all the hairspray and pins, and my insano-monster-high-heels had taken its toll. We took the tub, but I couldn't stomach the champagne (and had only half a glass at the party- my tummy felt 10 sizes too small), and after extracting the crazy number of bobby pins from our heads and showering off the chemicals, we were out.
And up the next morning, only to realize that we had no shoes! And I sure as hell was not about to put the monster heels on again- my feet were still in some serious pain the next day. Stranded as we were until the delivery was made, we were late for our breakfast with friends. We made it eventually, and I am so glad to have spent a little extra time with my friend Kate and her Mom and Step-Dad. Those three were so important to me as a kid, and I was ecstatic that they were able to come all the way from Illinois and Ohio for the wedding. After breakfast was a little packing-time at home, and off we were on our honeymoon!
I love the Highlands Inn. Love it. I took J there on our first trip together, then again to propose to her, and that was our first honeymoon stop. We stayed in the most expensive room- it was a honeymoon after all (although I don't know if I won't be checking out that room every time now, that's the danger). Wonderful queen bed with a canopy, two-person shower, fireplace, comfy couch, two-person spa right in the room, and the tv on a swivel plate so it can face the couch or the bed or the spa. I'd like to say we did nothing but make sweet, sweet love the whole time, and don't get me wrong- we did plenty o' that, but the wedding also completely wiped us both out. We had not much left. And J got a bit sick. And I hate to confess it, but we watched the entirety of The L Word, Season 3 in two days. And had a darn good time, too. Dear goddess, that room was comfortable. The last couple of days of the honeymoon, we went to Montreal, which was ok, but I would reccommend having a plan for the public transportation system ahead of time. The walking was a little nutty. And I got sick. But it was fun talking to the waiters in French! And J got to tell the Border Patrol that I was her wife, twice! Tee hee.
So, now we're back and we're not sick anymore, and things are back to normal. Almost. Things feel a little different now, so subtly, but imperceptibly powerfully. She's my wife. And married life is good. I really hope I can be as good a spouse to her as she is to me. It's one big trip, this marriage thing! So far, it's pretty exhiliarating!

Wedding Story: Part 2

It was only a moment before she appeared in the doorway and was walking down the aisle, beautiful as can be. She looked like a goddess in her red dress and her thick, curly hair piled up behind her sparkling tiara. She made it to the front, smiling at me the whole way, and I was so glad when she was finally standing in front of me because we both needed to look into each other's eyes and telepathicly remind each other to breathe. Steve, our minister (who uncannily resembles a Beach Boy), opened with a warm and funny greeting, just the personality to put everyone at ease and in the mood for a wedding. My sister B had agreed to co-officiate and she was next, with a special remembrance of our grandparents, which I had asked her to write since J and I both have a special relationship with a grandparent who has passed away. J's last living grandparent, her Nana, was listening to the service on her Mom's cell phone because she was too ill to fly from Oregon- we have a great picture of her Mom dialing her phone as the service was about to start. We thought it was fitting to have a prayer by Steve after our remembrance. Then it was time for sister B to read a little Rumi:
“This marriage be wine with halvah, honey dissolving in milk.
This marriage be the leaves and fruit of a date tree.
This marriage be women laughing together for days on end.
This marriage, a sign for us to study.
This marriage, beauty.
This marriage, a moon in a light-blue sky.
This marriage, this silence fully mixed with spirit.”
A few tears were being shed already, but nothing could prepare us for the amazing voice of our friend Kahlil, who sang "So High" by John Legend. He sang so beautifully and with such passion for this wedding that he was so happy for, most of us were pretty weepy by the end. J and I stood with arms around each other, and I could tell as J got choked up- it was a truly beautiful moment.
A Community Vow was especially meaningful to us, hearing from 60 of our nearest and dearest that they will be our supportive community in the long run, helping us to make and maintain a strong marriage. I didn't turn around to see if my folks agreed, but it was great to hear that resounding "We do."
Rev. Steve then gave his Charge to the Couple, a spiel he writes specific to each couple he marries, drawing on their story and their strengths to provide his clerical advice. Or, as he called it at the rehearsal, "his 39-year-old bachelor advice to the gay couple getting married." He had everybody laughing on the funny parts of our meeting and engagement, and nodding on the soulful advice on this marriage thing. Sister B read from a Hindu love poem:
“Let the earth of my body be mixed with the earth
my beloved walks on.
Let the fire of my body be the brightness
in the mirror that reflects her face.
Let the water of my body join the waters
of the lotus pool she bathes in.
Let the breath of my body be airlapping her tired limbs.”
From the tealights that each guest had lit upon entering the sanctuary, J and I each lit our own taper and used the light and love we've received from all these beloved people to light our Unity Candle. The picture here is from this part of the ceremony.
Having handed our flowers to our sisters before the Unity Candle, our hands were free to do our vows and rings. My vows were actually more like a Niagara-Falls-Cryfest. I could not stop crying. I barely made it through. I even had to screech a couple of words in order to get them out. Yeesh- embarrassing. Anyway, I think I did a pretty good job with the writing, at least. I think I'll post our vows together a bit later. Following our own vows, we made a little twist on traditional vows and said the following together:
“I will love you, hold you, and honor you.
I will respect you, encourage you, and cherish you.
In health and sickness,
Through sorrow and joy,
For all the days of my life.”
As "a symbol of our love and fidelity" we exchanged our rings- plain but wide bands of gold, cut to fit our engagement rings, and engraved with our wedding date.
Having signed on the proverbial dotted line, Rev. Steve pronounced us married, saying "Josianna, Kate- by the powers invested in me by the state of Massachusetts, I now pronounce you legally and sacramentally married- partners in life forever more. "
Sister B read one last excerpt from Rumi, inviting everyone to party!
“Come along! Today is a festival!
Clap your hands and say ‘This is a day of happiness!’
Who in the world is like this bridal pair?
The earth and the sky are full of sugar.
Sugar cane is sprouting all around!
We can hear the roar of the pearly ocean.
The whole world is full of waves!
The voices of Love are approaching from all sides.
We are on our way to heaven!
Once upon a time we played with angels. Let’s all go back up there again.”
Off we swept, returning down the aisle I had walked. Despite a little snafu with the timing, our recessional worked out quite perfectly: We recessed to the tune of "L-O-V-E" as sung by Natalie Cole, and four of our buddies hiding up in the balcony dropped a gorgeous satin banner of each letter.
Some of my favorite pictures come from after the wedding. The damn weather did, in fact, rain on our wedding. But the faboo pictures under our big, black umbrellas just as we left the church, made up for it a little bit. Our great gaggle of guests even downed their umbrellas for a five group shots on the steps, putting up with the raindrops just for us.

High ho! Scroll down two posts for the wedding story!

Just a little picture-fix

I'm working on a long wedding-story in draft right now, but it's not finished and I'd like to be able to include a ceremony picture in it, which I don't have, yet. However, I thought I'd put up a picture from our bachelorettes' night out, two days before the wedding. Behold, the boobie cakes!

Interrupting this wedding season to report...

Don't worry folks, I will post pictures and the story of the wedding shortly. I just had to post to say that the YMCA just left me a message to "see how I'm doing". See how I'm doing. Yeah. Right. They're calling because I've been a huge gym slacker for a really long time!!! I've been faithfully wasting my $50 a month for quite a while now. And they know! My little card with the barcode is allowing the Great Gym Guilt Trip conspiracy to transpire! Maybe other gyms do this all the time, I don't know, but I find this shocking. And feel surprisingly guilty. Very guilty. I suppose I'll now, oh so sheepishly, slink back into the Y this week. Damn drill sargents.

Our Wedding Story: Part 1

Ok, so getting a ceremony picture is harder than I thought- no more waiting. Here's part one. I'm going to post pictures in their own posts. And so we travel back to the last week of August...
Placecards, programs, vendor details, traveller issues, table markers, candles, decorations, and a million other things consumed the week before the wedding. J's Mom and Dad were sleeping on our futon in the living room and thank goodness for them, otherwise I'm pretty sure we'd have had none of the above finished. Friday was dinner out with about 10 of our VIPs at The Teapot for Chinese and Japanese cuisine, followed by a bachelorette-style night that started with boobie cakes and vulva pens, and ended at the gay club (in fact the only club) in town. Saturday held lunch at the Woodstar cafe where we started our first date and then a tour of "our story" around town for our friends and family, followed by the wedding rehearsal. Nothing quite like rehearsing a wedding with no music because half the power is out in the building! Sound-man T figured it out at the end though and we had at least a little practice. Still no processional, though, as our singer Kahlil was not scheduled to arrive by plane until midnight. My Mom is awesome and threw a great rehearsal dinner with the help of my aunts, with lots of tasty food like lasagne and bruchetta, and a very sweet celebration of my Aunt Bev and Uncle Jim's 48th wedding anniversary. How auspicious! Festivites were fun, but we were back at home pretty soon after in order to finish up more wedding stuff- and just the week before I had felt so ahead of schedule! So much for that.
That all being a huge blur, I was still finishing up J's wedding present from me at 2AM Sunday, while she was answering the phone from a deep sleep and then rushing to work to fax her signature and license to the rental car company that wouldn't take our wedding singer's card at the airport. We got a fitful 6 hours of sleep, and saints like my sister, her partner, and our singer friend got even less. Sis was up all night with J's friend Heather frantically whipping up buttercream and finishing the cake, her partner T stayed up finishing the soundtrack for the evening and then went to bed waking up every hour or so from dreaming he'd fallen asleep at the computer and hadn't finished the music, and our friend and singer Kahlil didn't get in until about 3:30AM and had to get up bright and early to go rehearse. We LOVE all of these people. There would be no wedding without them. Thanks a million to all.
Now it's 8AM Sunday and we are off to the races! We're in the living room, making impossibly high piles of stuff that must go to the ceremony and reception sites, courtesy of J's parents. I'm making lists of what must go where and when, how to use the stuff, and instructions for bringing our dresses and such to the get-ready site. J's running around getting things together and trying to get me out the door, shouting instructions behind us at J's parents as we leave. We arrive at the UU too late for the morning service, the doors are locked, and so we get no practice of the processional with Kahlil- we're officially winging it! Woo hoo! This was ok anyway, as we were right on time, arriving at our friends' P&J's house at noon to start getting ready.
That was it. 12 noon. Zero hour. That was the point at which I no longer had any control whatsoever over what was happening with this wedding anymore. Everyone had their instructions and their emergency contacts, spelled out on my painstakingly organized index cards I had written for each person, and I was under the curling iron and oblivious to what was really happening at the UU or at the reception site. I think Bridezilla took that fact with grace. Unless I'm repressing any memories of primal screams and attempts to break out a window to go stage-manage. But I don't think so.
Getting ready at P&J's house was so happy for me- Jon was the one who set J and I up on our blind date in the beginning, P is a wonderful friend and kindred spirit, and their own wedding just two months ago was such a joyful witnessing of the union of two of the most amazing people on the planet, I'm honored we were able to prepare for our wedding at their new home.
So, us ladies (J and I, and our two sisters S&S) were getting hair curled and pinned and sprayed, makeup getting done, blemishes covered, teeth brushed, taping my sister's gown straps to her skin to get them to stay, etc., and meanwhile our incredibly-comfortable-with-his-masculinity friend Jon was cooking us breakfast, chatting with the hairdresser, and serving up fruit and cheese snacks.
A little later, Jon ironed his pants in his towel while I stood next to him getting my gown and veil settled- I love the pictures of this particular moment. We love him a lot. He starts radiation tx soon, so please think good thoughts for him.
We have so many amazing moments on film from these precious three hours. The flowers arriving and being displayed. J and I pinning corsages on our mothers' dresses (and looking very perplexed). My Mom lacing up the corset-back on my dress (and looking very perplexed). J's Mom clasping her necklace around her. We had to switch moms now and then, so we have a couple of J's Mom sinching up my dress, too. S&S getting ready. Kisses and hugs. Finally all ready, bouquet in hand, all alone (except Mr. Photographer). And as we were just about to head out the door to the church (only 5 minutes late!)
My Dad surprised me by showing up to drive me and Mom to the UU. Once safely hidden at the church, we waited downstairs for only a minute or two, touching up lipstick, clutching bouquets, looking nervous. Then suddenly my Bro-in-law was rushing down to tell us it was time, the processional was playing- Kahlil's instrumental adaptation of "Sunrise, Sunrise" by Norah Jones- and S&S were on their way down the aisle ahead of me. My wonderful friend P told me when they had reached the front, and now it was my turn. So much was happening so quickly, I feel as though I can hardly remember the rest. I mean, I remember- of course, I remember walking down the aisle, worrying if I was walking too fast, smiling and nodding at particular friends, wobbling a little on my shoes, looking at my sister as I walked in front of her, listening to our song played in this beautiful, slow, instrumental way, reaching the front and looking at our officiant and my oldest sister and co-officiant B, checking to be sure I was in the middle, turning to await J's appearance in the other aisle- I remember all those things, but it seems as though another force was carrying me through it all, preventing me from falling over or crying or puking or any of the other things my anxious mind might have done at that all-important time. Bridezilla came through for me after all, producing sure steps and a constant smile and support to keep standing there waiting for her.

Introducing...

The all-new Martini family! We did it! See y'all after the honeymoon.

Ooh- ooh- it's working!

Woo-hoo! Back down to 60% again! And down to "showers" instead of rain. Woo! Keep focusing those thoughts and prayers! All I need is an hour of sunshine at 5PM Sunday! Come on! Put your minds to it!

And it just gets better every time I look at it.

Now the forecast says not just 60% chance of rain- we've upgraded to a 70% chance of rain/wind. Why don't they just come right out there and say it- it's going to be a big, fat storm. I try not to curse too much, but really I just have to say... shit.

Ah, so this is what hyperventillating is like...

Wow, Bridezilla is in full swing today, trying to get everything wedding-related done in the next 45 hours. Picking up keys for the church, meeting with yet another manager at the reception site (I don't know how they have so many and stay in business), picking up musical equipment, shopping, finishing programs, doing favor tags, etc. Oh yeah, and working. I wish I'd taken today and yesterday off, not just Thurs and after. The imminent-in-laws were staying with us the last three nights and boy am I glad! They made almost all of the programs, table markers, and wedding-bubble-thing-ribbons. And now they're in Boston picking up our recessional-banners and staying overnight at J's friend's apartment in order to do so. We love them. A lot. We don't love the weather report. Oh, the months I have spent deathly afraid that it would rain on my wedding day. Over the last couple of days the forecast for Sunday went from "Sunny and delightful" to "a 30% chance of a few showers" to "a 60% chance of rain." Plain old rain. Dammit, dammit, dammit! I basically consider this a waste of $1000 of photography- I hate the idea of all-indoor wedding pictures, and even though I think we've worked out a decent alternate indoor location to take them that is better than the church sanctuary, I'm reasonably certain I will be disappointed in the pictures forever. I've been manifesting all day long. Help me out if you don't mind- tell Ernesto to hit the road and don't come back!

Please God, don't turn me into my mother, yet!

I'm only 24! Just kidding- I love my Mom. And I loved our trial run at the hair salon on Saturday. Others seem not to agree with me, but when I looked in the mirror I really saw a lot of my mom when she was my age. Which was really nice, because usually I resemble my Dad a lot, and he's not a bad looking guy but I'd rather look like Mom. I wish I had a scanner so I could post a picture of her from her wedding. J doesn't know what I mean because she's not as familiar with those old photos, but I do agree with her thought- it's quite Marilyn, no? Squee!


And thank you to my wonderful sister! We loved our shower on Sunday! The decorations were really cute, complete with shiny plastic tiaras, and the food and gifts were lovely. After all of the Maid-of-Honor work, organizing and hosting our shower, making our wedding cake, and hosting 4 wedding guests at her home, my sister went even further- all these are more than gift enough, but she gave us our first set of matching, non-bungee-cord-held-together dining chairs! Woo hoo! Our guests can now stop worrying about their safety every time they sit down! Yay! And they're gorgeous!
Yesterday we met with our minister again and finalized most of the ceremony. We have most of the RSVPs in. Today we went to City Hall and applied for a marriage license which we can pick up Friday, and I am officially set to change my name! Holy cow! And J's parents are coming to stay with us Sunday. Now there are programs to design and print, a seating chart to create, a final food count to give to the Brewery, placecards and table markers to make, J's dress to fix, J's shoes to find (yikes), she's got vows to write, final decorations to find and make, wedding-day schedule to make, duties to delegate, preparations to make for getting a civil union in Vermont, honeymoon to pack for, on and on. Whee!

Universe, don't make me come up there!

No more crappy things are allowed to happen! Not for a long time! I'm putting my foot down! I just got a couple of emails and a phone call about our dear friend Jon- this is the guy who set the two of us up on our fateful blind date, who we plan on giving a special seat at our wedding, whose own beautiful wedding to our friend P we just attended a few weeks ago. At a routine physical a couple of days ago, an abnormality was discovered indicating that he has testicular cancer. He was under CT scan yesterday and in surgery today, they're trying to see if it has spread anywhere else, family is coming in from all over the place, and the newlyweds are sorting through all the emotional weight of it while struggling through insurance papers. Damn it, Universe- this is not ok! Jon gets better right away and no more of this crap or else! Off to make some reheatable meals...

I give up.

Now he's coming. After all that. I will never understand my father. He finally called last night, and I said I was planning on checking in with him today because Mom is away, so I guess he just waited until tonight to talk about that whole are-you-coming-to-your-daughter's-wedding-or-not business. Not that he talked about it much tonight, anyway. Pretty much just that he's coming. And a bit of ranting about Mom's reaction to his "for sale" sign- I really hate that, being a sounding board for one parent's hostility toward the other. I don't mind listening to my mom, because she's never hostile- usually just bewildered and upset. But Dad? Not so much. And he admitted to having stopped his meds (which I already knew via Mom, but was waiting for him to say). He is such a different person right now- morose, sarcasitc, impulsive, hostile, and not insightful about his actions. This is not to say he's perfect when he's on his meds, but I guess I didn't realize how much he had improved on them until he went off. BUT, I can't deal with all that right now. Wedding. Happenning. In 2 weeks and 4 days. Holy crap. That ticker is really freakin' me out now!
The final fitting was today! My dress is great- love it even more- S, you're going to have to learn how to do this bustle-thing from J- I don't get it. J's dress, though- not so good. Again. If you remember way back in May, we went to pick up her dress and it was in terrible shape (badly made) and we had to send it back and re-order it. So the re-ordered dress was fine. But, now the alterations people made the bodice too small. She looks alright, and the wrap that we bought definitely covers up any over-the-top-spillage, but it is pretty tight. Poor J- she cried on the way home! I'm not really sure what to do now- J's plan of eating nothing but salad for the next 18 days may not help. It's true she did lose a lot of weight over the summer and gain a couple of pounds back in the last week or two, but I really think they just adjusted the bodice in too much. And I can't think of any places to shop for fancy formal wear around here. The Running of the Brides is Friday, but she says she really wants to wear red, and of course all the wedding gowns there are white or ivory. This is the big project for the rest of the week- to fix the dress situation!
All is not crappy, though! Favors are finished! Unless we decide to make favor tags, but I'm just not feeling that into it. And I decided on those gosh darn pew decorations! That was 48 hours of unnecessary obsession. I have succumbed- bows of white and red wired ribbon. But they look much better than I thought they would, and I made 5 of the 12 last night. And I wrote my vows! Woo hoo! Sunday was a really blissfully beautiful day out at Poet's Seat Tower, overlooking Greenfield and the surrounding hills, and I sat up there for an hour or two and felt inspired. *sigh* Now I just have to say all that blithering, sentimental, shmush in front of everyone I know. ;)

3 weeks! Ai ai ai!

There's just something really neat about the phrase "welcome to the family". J's parents, sister, and several extended family members threw us a surprise shower yesterday. It being in Oregon, I couldn't be there, but J loves surprises and so was totally thrilled, of course. They bought red and white decorations with hearts and brought lovely presents and I think they went out for dinner. Since I'm back here in Mass, they called me up and passed the phone around so that I could "meet" everybody. They were all really sweet with their congratulations and welcoming me to the family and wishing they could come to the wedding (most are not, as it is very far away), and one promise to hitchike out here for it. I'm really glad J has such a great family. And lucky me, I get to marry in! It's nice to feel welcomed.
Meanwhile, the anxiety is setting in- 3 weeks left! My poor sister got dragged along with me yesterday as I wandered through Michael's craft store, contemplating pew wreaths and favors and ceremony decorations, listening to my fears about the weather. Still sitting here, contemplating... those pews.... those tissure paper flowers.... those chocolates...