Love's bouncing out all over the place!

Yay for Shelli and Narda!

---updated---
"And with the sweets come the sours." Congratulations and condolances together this week- so sorry.

Churchy Choices

J found her dress yesterday! The picture is her dress on a very pretty model from David's Bridal- not nearly as pretty as J, of course. We took some pictures (J trying on the dress on the left, and my sister trying bridesmaid dresses), so I'll try to post a few of those once they're developed. She's awfully purty!
For a while now, I've been trying to come up with a post on religion and our wedding. One reason for this is the way that our media and community talks about same-sex marriage. Usually, the image presented is of a same-sex couple applying for their marriage license at City Hall vs. a straight couple getting married in a church, and the dichotomy of the argument is between civil marriage and religious marriage. It is important to draw the distinction for people, because the radical right tries to confuse the general public by equating the two- trying to scare people into opposing others' civil rights by predicting change in their own religious organizations. In reality, of course, civil marriage is the civil right, and individual churches and religious organizations will make up their own policies on whether or not to officiate at same-sex weddings or recognize the marriages of their GLBT members. So, the distinction is important, but it does partly play into the radical right's corner on religion (at least in the media). Lost in all the hysteria over ultra-conservative churches wrestling for control of our government are the religious freedoms of other people. Like us. We have a religion, too, and have every right to practice it as one of the founding principles of the government we live under. Now, for those who belong to religious organizations that don't recognize them fully because they are queer, having a wedding within that organization is probably not possible, because religious marriage rights are entirely up to the congregations that make up each particular practice. For us, belonging to a religious organization that recognizes the sacredness of our wedding, means that having a wedding in our welcoming church, using our traditions, is an expression of our religious identity and freedom. It might sound funny for a Unitarian Universalist to say, but having a religious wedding in our faith is important to us. And I'm very happy that our congregation is open and welcoming to us so that we can do so.
That being said, J and I will also be having a private exchange of vows in the very early morning, to personally recognize the different religious backgrounds we come from. Though we're both very happy to have joined our UU Society, we also come to it from two very different traditions, and we want to use them as we make our personal and private vows in the morning, before we meet our friends and family at church. So darn traditional, again. Fiddler on the Roof, anyone?

Uncle Sam is My Best Man.

And he's paying for my wedding photography, courtesy of my big, fat tax return. Whether he wants to recognize a lesbian marriage or not. Working my piddly-pay human services job (that I loved) for much of `05, I paid quite a bit in taxes, but then quit to go back to school and shelled out almost $5000 for the semester, plus paying in on some student loan interest. The results? Getting to stop freaking out about not being able to afford major wedding expenses. Thanks so much for the great comments on my last post- I love hearing wedding stories and ideas- we're definitely taking the advice on shelling out the cash for a photographer. My return should just about cover it. Now I just hope nobody has booked this guy since last weekend! It was great to hear that some of you made/are making it work on small budgets- I think we'll have a similar budget to work with (thanks to the IRS) and it's nice to be in good company! Now, if we can just get a windfall for that cruise to Alaska...

I want, I want, I want!

Argggh! There is this awesome photographer that I want to work our wedding- he did our friends' wedding in September, and the pictures are amazing. I spent hours looking through their photos online- yes, he provides you with your own website from which you and your guests can order whatever photos you want after the wedding. And because he worked their wedding, I'm reasonably sure he has no problem working a lesbian wedding. And he takes a ton of photos and has great candids- my favorite kind of picture. And beautiful albums. Most importantly, he has a wonderful perspective on his role at a wedding, hard to describe, but just the kind of courtesy and involvement I'm looking for. I really want this guy to be our photographer!
Problem? We don't know if we have the money for photography at all- and very iffy about having enough for reception photos- my favorite part. I have looked around and he's comparable to other photographers (slightly more than the average, but I think he's way more than an average photographer,) so we'd pay about the same for anyone to do the time and album prep I would like- from preparation before the ceremony through the first hour of dancing. I talked to him again today, and we can get a time-package of at least four hours (and he offered whatever other time we need, which is a great deal) for a 1000. No album in this package- which means without the book, 300 prints, several black-and-white-with-an-element-left-in-color pictures (I don't know what you call that), however many pages we want, etc. I want the whole package- the whole day of awesome photography and the album. So, my inner toddler is coming out right now. I waaaaaant it!
My question is: how do people pay for weddings?! Aqaintances of ours spent a rumored $35,000 on theirs. And they are not rich people! The average American wedding supposedly now costs $24,000. Where do people get this money from? Do they take out special wedding-loans from the bank? Do they charge everything on their credit? Do they take out second mortgages on their houses? Where does it all come from? Anybody who knows the answer to this mystery, please enlighten me- I'm mystitfied!

Charge it!

Just over two years ago, my little cat Jezebel was much too curious of a cat one day and, unbeknownst to her mum, she ate a big, blue rubber band. It got stuck somewhere down in there and she started puking all over the place and I took her to the vet who took x-rays and said she needed surgery or she "wouldn't make it". This sent miss Jezzy and her blubbering mum racing over to the animal hospital where the doctors told me her surgery would cost over $2000. Since I had just spent my last dollar on her x-rays and didn't have two grand, I was about to really lose it, when the doctor said there was a special credit card for vet bills, called Care Credit, that I could apply for right there. So I did and paid for the surgery and had to go home without my kitty for the night. Fortunately she passed the rubber band all by herself, though the animal hospital still charged me $750 for an overnight and an enema. Appalling, yes, but I was very glad to have my new credit card just for veterinary emergencies, and took Jezebel on our merry way home. I am telling you this story for a reason, I swear.

So, because it is largely what I do with my spare time, I was looking up conception and baby information online last week, and came across the Fairfax cryobank website. While reading all about how great their sperm is, the regular prices and the high prices (for the highly educated guys donating especially smart sperm), and the jaw-dropping deposit just to borrow a cold tank for a few days, I stumbled across some info about payment options. And there was a picture of my Care Credit veterinary credit card! For a moment I was thinking- Wow, I can buy sperm on the vet card! Though I realize now that the animal hospital just didn't tell me the card could be used for any medical expenses, I still find this hilarious. Somehow it seems that two things of such different purpose and stature should not be on the same payment plan.

In other news, today was my second day on the new job, and I think it's going to be good! In outreach, I'll be working with people who have mental health needs and who use Medicaid to connect to community services and resources so as to help them stay out of more expensive treatment and services (namely the hospital and jail). Not always fun, but definitely challenging and fascinating. Yesterday, sitting alone on my lunch break, I had a thought- I'm finally a social worker. No MSW and no license and I don't practice therapy, but this is just the kind of social work I said I wanted to do years ago. It was a bit of a winding road to get here, but somehow I'm here, and I think it's going to be a great experience. Yay!