Of all the people in the world...

I didn't think those at our Unitarian Universalist Society of Northampton and Florence would disappoint me. Though I'm hesitant to write about this online, no one over there seems to be listening to me, so I'm putting my opinion out here. Just over two weeks ago we found out during a service that the "lay leadership" and some of the members had come to something of an irrevocable decision to ask our minister to leave, while we had no idea there was even a problem. Suddenly we learn that our minister will be basically kicked out because of some complaints about his performance from certain members and board members. Now, I understand that there appears to be a significant number of these unhappy people, and since we interact with the congregation largely through Sunday services, I concede that there may indeed be areas that are lacking. I just don't know about them. Which is exactly what's wrong. There wasn't even a whisper of a problem (let alone a problem serious enough to fire the minister), despite months and months of this going on behind the scenes. Complaints now seem to be coming from everywhere, about the sermons, the pastoral care, program participation, the membership numbers, and the amount of annual pledges. Every issue is being blamed on our minister.
I want to point out that I, for one, love the sermons. Some complain they are too gloomy about the state of the world and our tumultuous times- wake up, people! We do live in a gloomy, tumultuous world right now, and our minister is exactly right to address the lies and deadly hypocrisy of our present government- he is minstering to a congregation of liberal, caring people who undoubtedly are troubled by the state of the world and the use of their tax dollars. I think the complainers are missing one or both of these things: first, that if they are not outraged, and scared, and sad about our current events then they are not paying attention, and second they miss the whole point of Jay's sermons- that each of us has the power to change the world and we should be hopeful and hardworking and faithful that good will win out. I have never been to a service by him where I did not leave with that hopeful and empowered feeling. Finally about the sermons, this is a UU! Lay people and guests are welcome to design and lead their own service with permission any time! If one is unhappy with the tenor of recent sermons, one should write a sermon of their own- this is not a religion for passive people.
Now, the stuff about pastoral care and program participation, I don't know much about, so I grant there could be a problem there. I do know, however, that our minister is responsible for a 500 member congregation- a huge and complex group of people. In fact, UUA rules say that our congregation should have two ministers. So it sounds to me as if he is being chastised for not being able to do the work of two people. All while he's sick and his mother was dying of Alzheimer's disease this fall. This is similar to the blaming of slightly lower membership numbers solely on him- as I recall, there is a Welcome Committee who is supposed to take care of visitors and new members- what I don't recall is any of those committee members saying a word to me until I finally bugged one of them about it after attending services several times. Maybe other people are also responsible for membership numbers? Like the pledge drives- perhaps the lower amount of money being pledged to the society has something to do with the fact that we are in recession! While not everyone is having a hard time financially, I know a lot of people who are, and I really don't think it's fair to put the blame for a poor economy and unbelievably high heating costs here in the Northeast on the minister. Second, I think the Canvass Committee asks too much. They were actually publicly disappointed that 113 "member units" (families) only contributed $200,000. They wanted $300,000. Excuse me, but exactly what family around these parts has $3,000 to just give away?! It doesn't exactly make me feel good about our piddly little $240. Who do these people think they're soliciting, and why is this our minister's fault? Arrrrrgh!
The worst part, though, is not even about the minister. It's that there is no reason whatsoever that any member should have been unaware of what was going on until an irrevocable decision was made without them. None. There are all kinds of excuses being offered, about meetings that were held (entitled "minister appraisal and congregational self-assessment" not "we need to decide whether or not to fire the minister), trustees calling members (nobody ever called us, that's for sure), and two other UUA ministers being called in to listen to members (as in the very unhappy members who somehow knew about the decision while we happy members did not). I think this whole thing is incredibly unfair and even deceitful- I cried after the last service because I just couldn't focus on it or trust the people around me. After really growing to love the place, this is hard, because if they don't at least rectify the process so that it doesn't happen this way again, I don't think I can go back. This all brings up awful memories of the UCC church of my upbringing ousting the wonderful minister we had there because she stuck up for our gay organist. I know it's not the same thing- it's not homophobia- but it just harkens back. And we're getting married there! I really hope this unique society of individuals can work it out- we're unitarians, after all.

An Herbal Wedding

Ok, so the indoor ceremony is going to have to do. This just means that I have to do everything possible to bring the great outdoors indoors. As an herb and garden lover (and fan of inexpensive wedding decorations), today I made a list of the herbs I hope to be able to use in copious amounts in the Great Hall of our UU Society for the ceremony. Many herbs have traditional symbolism, and quite a few have been used at weddings through the ages, so with the help of the "Herbal Wedding Planner" article published in the Herb Quarterly last spring these are the favorites:
Ivy for luck, fidelity, and disspelling negative energy
Rosemary for remembrance, of course.
Lavender for luck and love
Myrtle for love and fertility
Yarrow for lasting love and marital harmony
Cumin for protection and fidelity
Meadowsweet (otherwise known as Bridewort) for happiness
Mint for hospitality
Thyme for health and courage
Sage for longevity
Marjoram, which is Aphrodite's herb, for marital bliss
Lady's Mantle for ladies' love
Angelica for protection and because it has big, pretty leaves
Lovage for love
Catnip for lifelong friendship
The two of us will be carrying roses, red for me, and white for J, and I don't know about our fair sisters. I hope that the tall herbs especially can bring a nice garden-feel to the sanctuary. I'd like to also buy those "ionic" air filter/fans, too, and set them going for a few hours before the ceremony for fresh air. Lastly, on the walk up, I'm thinking of setting up white cloth in long flags to being blowing around as our guests walk up to the building- get them away from the street feeling (since it is on Main St. in a busy town) and into a magical wedding feeling. Too crazy? I don't know. We'll see!

Already?!

Oh man, certain of my friends are so going to make me eat my words when they hear about this. While slogging my way through my last semester of my BA last fall, I swore up and down that I was not going to grad school, at least not for a really long time. I hated all that "gen ed" crap, the giant UMass classes, the pointless exercizes for clueless TAs, and all the other useless elements of standardized American education. It was like I had a podium with me every time we went out because some friend would inevitably ask me when I was going to grad school. I think I just really hated everybody asking me about it all the time, because my credit load was so big with so much work to do, and I couldn't wait for a breather (the opposite of what everybody seemed to want to talk about). And this new job thing was going along very well for several weeks, immersing myself in the underpaid and underappreciated world of social work. Until a couple of days ago, when lo and behold that first thought of grad school wormed its way up to the surface of my consciousness. This of course is going to be seriously under wraps from the high-pressure parents and the going-to-laugh-their-asses-off friends for as long as possible. Especially as this program is not just one degree, but two. Go figure. Ok, it's now time to dance around to Katastrophe and purge myself of the conformity of it all. And when Dad hears about this I'm going to have to immediately do something to really piss him off- maybe I'll let the sperm out of the bag then, too... ;)

I did a very bad thing.

I found some pictures online of a lesbian wedding with the brides wearing our colors and of course cried all over the place. I'm going to be a total mess during our ceremony. I cry practically every time I think about it. The bad thing is that these photos were of an outdoor wedding, which was what I always wanted, but which didn't seem to work out when we were initally planning. And the photos look gorgeous, so now I'm back to wanting an outdoor ceremony. Obsessively. This could just be bride's insanity, and it is insanity since it's only six months away and on a holiday weekend during a very popular season and there don't seem to be any pretty outdoor sites near our reception except for one that's being used by our very dear friends for their wedding just two months before and I just feel that I can't be a copycat even if it is still available which it probably isn't. Whew. Did you catch all that? Don't get me wrong, our sanctuary at the UU is nice, and has two aisles (perfect for two brides), but the windows are all stained glass and that season can be just so darn beautiful outside... Or maybe it's because the UU ticked me off recently (to put it lightly) by deciding to fire our minister without telling everyone (like the two of us, who were totally blindsided by this two Sundays ago). Hmm. Trees. Gardens. Stone walls. Pretty flowers and white chairs. Long swaths of white cloth blowing in the wind...

Cryopreserve this!

Today I started looking into "directed donor" programs, starting with the oh-so-convenient (comparatively speaking) cryobank in Boston. The rep on the phone told me all about their rules and procedures, only to say at the end that they don't like working with known donors because "they hardly ever work out" and that they'd reccommend that we just go anonymous unless he's a family member and that they don't like to work with out of state donors and that the whole thing will cost you a ballpark of $4000 or more. But we should still call back if we think we want to go through all that or if we decide to go anonymous. Now, I have just a few things to say about all that. First, maybe this particular cryobank has known donors that don't work out because they make it so damn hard to do it! Second, his being a family member would have no bearing on our decision since he's an acquaintance, but their exception for that totally ignores all the myriad other reasons we have for choosing to go through a known donor if possible- as if our reasons are not important- not exactly good doctor-patient-attitude if you ask me. Third, being pooh-pooh on out of state donors is just silly because it limits people's options in such a contradictory way, partly because I think people choosing KDs generally choose them because they know and like them (not because of where they live) and partly because at least for us, his living out of state is a big plus- one more reason we like him. Lastly, the costs are just exploitative and wrong. Period. Cranky, cranky, huh?