Sunday, March 19, 2006

Decisions, decisions.

You know, the farther we get in trying to decide how to try for a baby the more complicated it gets and the more conflicted we feel. I keep wondering when we are going to hit that peak and then get to relax a little bit about it. I think what drives me nuts is just the not having a plan, yet. We have all these options and decisions to make, but so far we have no definite plan, and so I obsess about the decisions. I want to know. And the more options we consider, the more I become convinced that there really isn't anything better about one way than another way most of the time, which makes it all the more difficult to make a decision.
For example, known donors vs. unknown donors. While I think a known donor can be a great gift to be able to offer our child, it can also be a detriment to our child by exposing him or her to potential custody battles, which will probably not happen but if they do, have proven to be very harmful to children. Which is better? Neither. Both are indications of caring parents, and which way just depends on the parents. So what kind of parents are we? Well, we're not parents, but what kind of parents-to-be are we? Well, we're not the totally anonymous donor kind, but we are still debating if we are the yes-donor (where he's anonymous at first but can be contacted when child is 18) or the known donor kind. I think we're the known donor kind, but that brings up lots of other decisions. Do we go live or frozen? Live has advantages- namely the much greater likelihood and speed with which we could get pregnant and the greatly reduced cost- almost free. Then again, frozen has advantages- we don't actually know this guy, so it would be to our benefit to have the 6-month quarantine of his sperm and retesting to make sure it doesn't carry any STIs; also very importantly we could order up the swimmers anytime we want and have them shipped up here, rather than have to drive 5 hours each way for the live ones. Then again, the bank would charge us somewhere between $4,900 and $5,700 for everything, plus additional years of storage, plus shipping fees, so... there goes the kid's college fund. And the wedding. Arrgh! Since going through the bank in our case also makes no difference legally, and since we do pretty much trust that he's in a stable and fidelitous relationship with his partner, all that expense is seeming more and more useless. At this point I think we're leaning toward the live route, especially because I learned this interesting fact from "The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians" saying that some midwives can now "spin" the little buggers in a portable centrifuge and do an IUI for you at home (or wherever you are), so we could hopefully get this going right quickly! Whenever we do decide to start. Hold yer horses, Bertha! Not yet!

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